Struggles

I’m contemplating on a new tattoo, or a couple. I’m behind on getting the semicolon tattoo, although it is something I have been longing to get since the Semicolon Tattoo Project began. 

I haven’t been able to make up my mind on exact placement nor if I just want the semicolon itself or anything with it. 

Suffering from PTSD and depression doesn’t come without thoughts of suicide and no longer existing in a world that can be so cruel. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but the thoughts are much more frequent than I would like to admit. Sometimes, it just seems it would be easier, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I have too much to look forward to, to let suicide take over. It’s permanent. I plan to experience every bit of Tristan’s life, and if I’m not alive I can’t do that. I refuse to give up, no matter how hard I struggle. No matter how hard my mind or my illnesses fight against me. 

My last major depressive episode was from January to almost April, the winter months are always the hardest. Seasonal depression. I fought so hard, but for a majority of that time I didn’t think I would win. It’s impossible to come out unscathed; with worry of the next time already etched in ones brain. I’m determined to continue fighting, even though the next episode, I know, will creep up on me at some point. 

To those that read my blog, if you suffer, you aren’t alone. Some days are hard as hell and feel like there’s only one way out, but then there are the good days. Those days are what motivate me to keep pushing. Keep looking for that glimpse of hope; grasp even the smallest light in your life and hold on. The fear and the episodes; they won’t last forever. 

And I’ll be someone you can reach out to, even in my own struggle. 

❤ LAFMommy

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Embrace

My favorite time of year is upon us ! Spring ! This means I can open my windows and air out the staleness left behind by a bleak winter. Actually, our winter was not nearly as cold and icy as it usually is, so I was not complaining. However, it was still winter and it kept people inside their homes and it is always depressing. 

With Spring time, our little family gets to go outside and spend time at the park or go to the zoo. I get to clean out my house and prepare for a Yardsale, because, let’s face it, we all tend to accumulate items we do not need. 

I look forward to driving with the windows down and staying cool from the breeze. There is always this feeling of change that brings about happiness when the Spring time comes along. I embrace that feeling. 

Today, I have already cleaned out my garage and now I am laying my son down for a nap and then I want to clean up the basement. Does anyone else have a basement that is basically just a very large laundry room ? That is what we use it for at my house. I am taking this time to get caught up on all the laundry as well. The winter time makes me lazy, so now I have to remedy that laziness with productivity. 

Oh, I just love this time of year ! I wish it could be Spring all year round. 

❤ LAFMommy