My good days no longer outweigh my bad. I no longer have a bad day and say, “it’s okay, because tomorrow will be better.” Because it won’t. I frown more than I smile. I shout, yell and scream more than I hold casual conversation. I break down on a more than regular basis. I cry over small things, like spilling some of the milkshake out of the blender a few minutes ago. I get very angry and then I get upset and feel incompetent. I need therapy, I need help, but where do I turn ? Support is sparse when people close to you don’t understand, and when the doctors only want to shove medications down your throat. I want to feel better, I want to be better. I don’t want to hide my feelings and my emotions in a fog of pretend. I don’t even talk to people about this, I know what they think. “Oh, she’s fine, she’ll get over it.” It doesn’t work that way, I’m broken. Forever crippled by my trauma.