Just wait…

“Just wait until he can walk.”

This is the line I commonly heard after Tristan started crawling. Of course, I heard the same thing about crawling before he started that as well. I hear this line before any new task or milestone he hits. 

Okay, maybe you had a wild child and it drove you crazy when they learned something new, but not me. I love these moments, I live for them. Seeing him grow and learn, I feel completely blessed to have the ability to be here for all of it. Look at the parents that do not get to see their children grow. Stop making milestones seem like hindrances or curses, love each one. 

Something else that bothers me. 

“Oh, you want HOW MANY children ? Just wait, you won’t want that many.” 

Yes, yes I will. I want four children. No matter how unorganized or wild my home may be, I will still want that many children. That’s just the unbiological ones, I want to adopt as well ! 

I want a large family. I grew up an only child, technically. I had siblings that I didn’t really know and then it was also just my mom and I 90% of the time. Why is having multiple children so frowned upon ? If they don’t go without and they are in a happy, healthy and loving home, what is the problem ? Stop making parents feel like they are wrong for wanting more children or for being happy for their children they do have. 

I just find it so rude to look down upon people and feed them your opinion when they probably don’t care to hear it anyway. Just because you were so miserable in your lonely lives, does not mean my family has to be, and we won’t be. We will have a large family and we will love and cherish every milestone. We will have amazing memories for the rest of our lives. We will teach our children how to love positively and how to live, and it doesn’t matter how large our family is. 

I love my wild, unorganized, crazy family. 

❤️ LAFMommy

Advertisements

Through and through

I grew up an only child. My mom, being a single mom, had to have baby sitters for me sometimes. I remember one baby sitter I had had children of her own and there were children next door that we would play with. I was pretty young, and growing up I forgot about all of this.

When I got into high school I started making more friends. I then made mutual friends through current friends, everyone knows the process. So anyway, I would go stay with my friend all the time and we talked about growing up and I told her and her parents how I randomly remembered I used to have a babysitter on their street. Come to find out, the babysitter was right next door. How ironic that the next door kids I used to play with while at the baby sitter’s house would wind up being my “second family” when I got older. 

They remembered me as “the weird kid”, and I was weird. These people have come to mean so much to me and I could not ask for a better second family. 

Now, the reason for this story. My best friend, Caitlin, has been my best friend for years and years. We have been through so much. She has always been the friend I can go to with anything and she will not judge me nor hold it against me. I have always introduced her to people as my sister, and I even introduce her siblings as mine. I call her parents mom and dad because they have always been there for me too, going above and beyond what typical parents of friends do. 

Four years ago she was pregnant. We had a falling out, and one thing I regret is not being there for her. This month is Caesarean section awareness month, and she wound up having to have an emergency c-section. She and her baby nearly died. In a time that she needed her friends and family most, I was not there. Now, I am there if she needs me, and although I cannot get that lost time back, I do not plan on missing out again. 

Birth is a beautiful thing. For women to be able to give up their bodies as a home for a baby is completely selfless. I loved my natural birth, but let me say, c-sections are a completely different story. Yes, I had some pain after my son was born, but imagine the pain from a c-section. Having someone slice you open to get your baby out. This is an extreme form of birth, one that I cannot imagine having to go through, and I have so much respect for her. Caitlin went through this, not only once, but twice. She selflessly allowed them to cut her open even though she would have a scar and even though she would have pain to deal with after. 

I see things like, c-sections are not real birth. Get real. They are by far more invasive than a natural birth. She carried, nourished and grew a baby inside of her. She had an opening created to birth her baby. This is birth. She is an amazing woman for this. Every woman that has had a c-section is amazing. 

Embrace what you have done, your selfless act, because you are beautiful. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. 

I love my sister. She is incredibly strong willed, and beautiful through and through.

❤ LAFMommy

Just a man

Five years old. 

That’s how old I was the first time he left. 

At four years old, my mom married a man, who soon after, adopted me. He took on the rights and responsibilities of being my dad and said he would take care of me. He made a promise to be committed to me and love me; always. Unfortunately, he did not keep his promise. 

Not only did he leave my mom’s side during the divorce, he left mine as well. Over the years he met someone, they married and wound up having their own daughter. Through this he would come around for a few months and then he would disappear again. I was only a child, and I could not understand why he did not come around, why he wanted to cause me so much pain. For years I could barely look at myself in the mirror, I blamed myself for his absence. I must have done something horrible for my father to not want me, right ? For nearly twenty years he broke my heart. Over and over and over. 

I fell into a self hate lifestyle, which quickly turned into hating men. The first man to ever break my heart was my father, so why would I trust another man. I was so mentally destroyed by him that I was afraid to have children. I felt that I would be like him and be unable to commit to a child or that I would be with a man that could not handle the commitment. I refused to raise a child in a home without a parent. 

I met my husband and I had severe trust issues. He worked hard to prove to me that he was not going to leave me like my dad did. Eventually, he restored trust that had been long gone. He showed me that any children we may have had he would be there for always. When we found out we were pregnant I overwhelmed. I was excited but I was also scared. I remember questioning if my husband wanted children, if he was ready. He made me feel confident that we would be great parents, that our children would never know what it was like to grow up feeling unloved. 

For years I blamed myself for my dad’s absence. For years I did not know how to love or respect myself, because he was never there to teach me. Finally, upon having a child of my own, I have learned these characteristics. I have embraced the love I should have for myself and I hold onto it daily. I love my husband more than ever and I love myself more than I ever thought possible. 

I had never known love from a father, but the love I have for my son is astounding. Every day I fall in love with this beautiful little boy. I will no longer allow my father’s failures to define who I am, and I refuse to allow it to take away from my family.

If I were to ever speak to him again, I would tell him thank you. Thank you for being absent. The bond between my mother and I growing up shaped me into a wonderful person. The fear I had of men, and the lack of trust for them helped me to find an amazing husband. Thank you, because your absence taught me what type of parent I wanted to be. I wanted to be present. I wanted to experience every single thing I could; never missing a beat. 

So, thank you absent father for being just a man to me. Because of this, I am more than just a mother. 

❤ LAFMommy