Yesterday I posted on Facebook asking my friends to give me words that, in their opinion, described me. I began getting responses immediately with things such as; strong, kind, courageous, beautiful. These descriptive words are very nice, but they weren’t exactly what I was looking for. You see, I was trying to come up with the perfect name for this blog. I debated high and low on what I wanted to name it, and I finally came up with LAFMommy.
I told my husband what I was naming it and he said, “But no one will know what LAFMommy stands for.” It’s my job on this first post to tell you that. You see, for a long time I wondered what path I was meant for in life. I walked and walked and had yet to find where I was meant to be or where I fit in. I worked different types of jobs and I even have a degree, yet, I still wasn’t satisfied with where I was. I was engaged to a wonderful man, but I was still grasping for something. Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved my life the way it was, and I was extremely happy, but I knew there was more.
In September of 2014, I had this feeling, you know that gut feeling, where you know something is going on ? Well, I told my friend that I just KNEW I was pregnant, so I bought a test, took it, and sure enough before I could even set it down, it came back positive. I was ecstatic, nervous, scared; there weren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe my feelings. I cried, I laughed, I screamed.. It was a whole new beginning for me.
A long time ago I was told I would never conceive a child, and then I was told that if I did, I would never carry full term, if at all. Well, one year later I have to say they were wrong, and I have a beautiful, healthy and perfect 6 month old baby boy. It was not until after I had him, even until recently, that I discovered that THIS is what I was grasping for. I worked so hard on everything in my life, trying to be perfect. I felt like I failed over and over, but every day that I get up and I see the beautiful smile on Tristan’s face I am reminded why I am here, and I can’t help but have a smile on my face.
I have never loved anyone or anything as much as I do Tristan. So rewind a little, before Tristan I was lost in the world, trying to find my place. After Tristan was born, I found my place. I discovered my place was to be “Mommy.” I could have never asked for a better position. No amount of money could replace this.
Of all the experiences in my life, being Mommy is the greatest. So I am no longer lost, but found. I am Lost And Found Mommy.